"it's the truth."

if i was ugly, would you still be my friend?

half day today. nice weather. easy day. took a nap during a skeleton/muscle segment in anatomy. went to kristin's house after school. hung out with jan and kristin. brainstormed ideas for our homecoming poster. took a 2.5 hour nap. went to dance practice. test drove my Sandy outfit. came home.

i didn't feel well during dance practice today because of what someone said to me. it was kinda like a slap in the face. since then, i didn't feel like smiling. so practice wasn't much fun for me. i spent most of it alone. kinda depressing, but oh well.. i wanted to be alone.

so even if you weren't serious... i took it personally. because maybe... just maybe... people actually want to give me hugs because i'm their friend. not just because i'm pretty.

thank you very much.

empty heart & an empty mind

it's 0737 right now. perfect blogging time. 9 o clock day today. i'm finally driving. it looks ugly outside.. much rather stay in and sleep my troubles away.... but i'll just have to settle for a stats test, tissue practical and a vocab quiz today.

to the one i gave my heart,

i heave a heavy sigh. i'd like to say i'm sorry...but there would be no reason to. the reasons that i search for come back in the same pathetic manner. i shouldn't be the one saying sorry... you should be. i'm writting out of pure disappointment and utter loss. disappointment in a friend... and loss of memories of possibly the best relationship i've ever had. and for that.. you should be sorry.

i've lost respect for you. what were you thinking? i'd like to think that you were just joking... testing my limits to see where i would draw the line... but you crossed that boundary even before i arrived at the threshold. pathetic. if anything, it proved to me how immature you really are... how desperate... how lonely.

i can't possibly think straight. pictures remind me of every moment we spent together.. sneaking out... sleeping in... but now it all feels like a dream... of a better time and place. i almost can't even sleep in the same sheets as you laid in months ago. i can't look at your picture and think "we could have grown old together". i can't think back to the times where we were happy and think... i could stay in this moment for the rest of my life...

pathetic.

all i can say is this: i'm sorry for not being sorry.

-marielle

senior sunrise

is it just me, or do school days go by way faster now than in any other year of high school?

civics pains me. ms. rees is annoying (to me). i honestly don't want to write a paper on what the fuck "star-power" is about. and the things she's going to teach us about politics/government is most certainly not going to chance the fact that i highly dislike both of them thanks to president _____. thanks, jack ass. you're officially going down as the worst president in history.

today has been the 4th day in a row that i've taken a nap after school. it's nice, actually. the heat makes me sleepy... so why not? naps happen to be very refreshing... especially after a hot day at school. eck.

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately... on whether or not i should go to an art college or not and major in art.. because, honestly, art all i have. i'm not an AP cal/ AP chem student... i'm a slow reader and i suck at writing... history makes me angry because we never learn anything from it, thus history continues to repeat itself (i.e. the war in the middle east = vietnam war)... there's no way in hell i'm going to be a nun... mouths disgust me... and looking at vaginas for the rest of my life is definately not where i want to be headed. so then what?

well.. i don't know. so therefore, i'll stop talking about it.

1 month until i get the car.

31 days left til' avatar.

8 weeks left until he's out of boot camp.

4 months until the first semester is over.

lets do this thing!

negligence

So I've been neglecting my blogging duties. Ah, the things summer does to me.

As of today, this is what has been happening:

1. I have not read the 6th or 7th book of Harry Potter (so don't breathe a word about either to me.. I know too much already)
2. I finally have a job. (Yummy Sushi on Redwood St.)
3. I ride my bike to work.. by the end of summer, I'll have thighs of steel.
4. I have finished all of my AP assignments.. except for the 1,000 word essay thing.
5. It has been decided, by my SAT scores and previous GPA, that getting into any UC is going to be beyond difficult.
6. I have no idea of what college I want to attend.. or even what major I want to pursue.. I'm so lost.
7. I need to get my graduation pictures done as soon as possible.
8. My resume for college needs to be written as soon as possible.
9. My room is currently a shit hole. (hasn't been clean ever since i got back from Utah.. I haven't even unpacked my luggage yet)
10. I am not looking forward to school work... but only to see my friends on an everyday basis.. and to also make the days past faster.
11. There are a number of movies that I want to see before school starts... one of which includes The Notebook (so if you have it, please tell me so I can borrow it)
12. My new half-brother was born on June 14 and his name is Geovance Miko Fabie
13. I'm missing two very important people in my life.. both under two very different circumstances and at different degrees of heartache... ah, the pain. So sweet, and yet, so bitter.

There's more but it's 0132.. and my neck is starting to hurt from being on the computer for too long. I think I might end up with scoliosis one of these days. Oh well.

End.

Currently Gaming Pokemon Diamond By Nintendo see related

goodbye, Utah

I finally got home on Sunday at midnight. I survived the dreaded roadtrip to Utah. I deserve a medal.

So to celebrate, I gathered my girlfriends together to chill. Nothing too fancy. Jan, Kristin, and I met up at the Vallejo Plaza and walked around. Jan convinced me to buy Pokemon Diamond Version. (which I've been itching to get ever since she got it) Man, does that game bring back good memories. I already have 6+ hours of game play since I bought it. (HAHAH) After that, we got some Jamba Juice and sat outside Coldstone while I played pokemon. Then Alex came for work and we talked outside for a bit. Gosh, I miss Alex. Then Gretchen was dropped off and we were able to head over to Target together. We saw Gordon and Cheese there. (...those jerks. ahah) We met up with Kristin's mom and then got chinese take out.

I love getting Chinese take-out... especially when you watch a movie/tv while eating. But I found this to be challenging since we watched My Sassy Girl (in Korean) with english subtitles. Gretchen and I had to completely stop eating for 5 minutes at a time just so we wouldn't miss reading the subtitles. ahahhaah So Gretchen just sat facing the tv while holding the food under her mouth so she could eat and watch at the same time. Unfortunately, I didn't do that, so I missed most of the funny parts and I didn't finish my food.

Emily came over a little halfway through the movie. Since she doesn't eat chinese food, I went with her to Jack in the Box to pick up dinner. We listened to the Beatles in her truck. On our way back, at a stop sign I pointed out that "that kid's" shirt matches his bike (both were banana yellow). "That kid" came back around and pulled up to my open window and it was Josh Suzara. ahahahahah I was laughing so hard because I didn't even recognize him and I had made the banana yellow comment about him without realizing. Oh.. that kid...

We finally get back to Kristin's house and we continue to eat/watch. Gretchen's sister's guinea pig was there because Kris had to watch him while they were camping. Gretchen took him out so Jan and I got to hold him. He smelled. ahahha after Jan had left, Gretchen and I were on the couch with him and he peed on the couch. Luckily the couch was like fake leather, so it wasn't damaged and it didn't smell like piss after I wiped it off. Gretchen got mad at him.

My Sassy Girl has to be one of the longest, abusive, romantic and most random movie I have ever watched. The only reason why I was angry was because after a 3+ hour romance movie in a different language, the two main characters did not kiss. My anger is totally valid. We even made Emily watch it. She enjoyed it. I was proud. That was probably the first Korean movie with subtitles she has ever watched. Congrats, Lambert!

After the movie, we kinda just lulled around. It was 2200 on a monday night and we didn't know what to do with ourselves. So Gretchen and Kris went online to watch stuff and Lambert and I watched Family Guy. ahahhaha it was great. Then Gretchen's dad came to pick her up and Lambert took me home.

Yesterday really made me realize how much I missed my friends and what summer is really about. Sure, I don't have a summer job, I'm not earning money or driving a car. But I have great friends who make me laugh and who really care about me and that's all that matters. Because I could be working for Starbucks, have my medical services completely covered, and driving the Pontiac that's sitting in my driveway... but if I had no friends, it wouldn't be worth it.

I effing love you guys.. and I miss you to death. Let's shoot for Saturday, ok?